I was created to be a planner. Spontaneous is not a word in my vocabulary. I thrive off having a routine and knowing exactly what to expect at all times. The thing is, God does not exactly work that way.
God calls us to deny ourselves and follow Him. (Matthew 16:24-26) That is so much easier said than done. Even though I know His plan is so much better than anything I could ever imagine, I still have to make a conscious decision every day to let go of my plans to make room for God’s plans. It isn’t easy. It has been a step by step process the whole way. I have found that once you give up your dreams to God, God begins to align your dreams with His.
Before coming to college, I had everything planned out for my future, right down to the layout of my house. Slowly God ripped my plan apart. Piece by piece.
It got to the point where I questioned everything. I even considered giving up writing for a bit. I had absolutely no idea what I was going to do with the rest of my life. (I still don’t really know.) In full honesty, I panicked for a while. Having less than no plan was terrifying.
After a couple days (or weeks) of freaking out, I decided enough was enough. I took the pieces that remained of my plan and pulled them apart even more. I wanted to find where my plan aligned with God’s plan. I searched for the deepest desire of my heart that would make everything worth it, even if I didn’t live in the city I wanted with the house I wanted. It took me a while, but I finally figured it out in the shower one night. (Because all groundbreaking realizations happen in the shower. Obviously.)
For me, it all comes back to working with and around teenagers. That is where my heart is and where is has always been. I don’t know why it took me that long to see that. Granted, I have no clue what this will look like. This grand realization answered no questions whatsoever. But it helped me let go of my plans and make room for God’s.
This does not in any way mean that I don’t constantly ask God to clue me in on His plan for my life. But I am learning to be okay with not having all of the answers I want.