It’s amazing how fast time moves. One minute, I am armed with a mile-long to-do list ready to be completed over the summer. Suddenly, I blink and the summer is half over. You know how much of that list I have gotten done? Absolutely nothing. It’s not like I haven’t done anything. My schedule has been jam packed (and yes that includes Netflix binges). I just haven’t had the time to get the things on that to-do list done.
This happens during the school year too. I get so focused moving from one thing to the next and before I know it, months have gone by and it’s time for finals.
I don’t believe that being busy is a bad thing. We aren’t supposed to sit around on our butts all day doing nothing. But I think as a society, we have taken being busy to a whole new level. We keep going and going There is always something else we could be doing. It has become a competition to see who can fill their schedules the most.
If someone does take the time to rest, then they are considered weak. They aren’t “strong enough” to handle their schedule. We feel better about ourselves, because we haven’t taken the time to stop. Even if we are running on less than 5 hours of sleep a night and gallons of coffee.
I am completely and totally horrible about this. Overbooking myself is one of my specialties, because I suck at saying no. I have even pushed myself (multiple times) to the point of being physically sick, forcing me to stop. Other times, I will get put in a position, through circumstances out of my control, where I am forced to stop and rest.
That’s when I realize how exhausted I actually am.
There is so much wisdom in knowing when to keep going and when to stop. I personally, do not have that wisdom. The few times I do, I tend to ignore it.
Somehow, I have convinced myself that I can’t take the time to stop and rest and take care of myself. It’s like if I take a day off, then everyone else will somehow get their lives in perfect order and leave me behind or I will miss some big world ending event and I’ll let everyone I know down, because I wasn’t there. Some part of my brain knows how ridiculous this is, but I still can’t seem to find a balance.
It is so hard to turn my brain off. I can’t seem to stop running through the list of things I need to get done. Half the time that list is mostly things that I feel like I need to do, because it is what is expected of me.
I push myself to fulfill those expectations. When I take the time to stop, I am forced to acknowledge that I’m not superwomen, and that I can’t do everything. If I don’t stop, I can almost allow myself to believe that lie.
The crazy thing is, when I do take the time to rest, I am closer to being superwomen than I am when I don’t stop. Taking time for myself every once in a while, doesn’t make me superwomen, but it does give me the energy (physically and emotionally) to fully be present. It helps keep me focused on the here and now, instead of all the other things I think I have to do. It allows me to truly live life, not just go through the motions.
That’s been one of the most amazing things I have learned this summer (not that I’ve lived like that the whole summer, but I’m trying). Going through the motions may allow you to get more done, but it doesn’t give you the chance to live.
Life is already short, so why spend it going through the motions to finish some ridiculous checklist just to prove you can?