I grew up in a town that not many people actually leave. High school graduates tend to go to college within three hours of home. I could never understand that. When I was looking for colleges, one of my requirements was a minimum of five hours away. For as long as I can remember, I had always dreamed of getting out. My plan was to come back home as little as possible.
Now that I have been at college for almost two years, that has changed.
This semester, I made plans to go to the Dominican Republic for spring break with my friends. Which in turn meant that I wouldn’t really be able to go home until Easter. It’s been about four months since I have been home.
I can’t believe I’m admitting this, but I may or may not be a little homesick. Okay, so in full honesty, at this point, it’s more like a lot homesick.
There I said it.
A good friend of mine referred to it as “small town syndrome.” I personally like that name a lot better. It makes me feel a little bit better about myself.
The thing is, I tend to get super excited about going home, but it never ends up being what I expect. (And I don’t have any real expectations, other than getting my own room and, more importantly, my bathroom back.) I’ll go home for a couple days and it’s great, but once I’m home more than a few days, I’m ready to leave again. I didn’t understand why that was until recently.
I have lived in the same house my entire life. Growing up, I had a routine. Everything was pretty consistent for the most part. I had my comfort zone in my hometown. It was safe. It wasn’t always perfect by any means, but I at least generally knew what I was getting myself into at all times.
Being away at college is its own separate bubble. I feel like I’m in a separate reality from the rest of the world, where time has a completely different meaning. Everything is constantly changing around me, and it can be hard to keep up.
When I go home, I subconsciously expect everything to be how I left it. I forget that everyone else’s lives have kept going and changing, just like mine has. I forget that I’m not the same person I was when I left.
It’s awkward to fall back into life at home with my parents. It’s weird playing catch up with everyone, when I know I’m going to leave again soon. For someone who hates goodbyes, going back and forth between college and home sucks.
But getting to go home is one of the greatest experiences I have ever had. It’s an amazing feeling knowing that no matter how long I leave or how far I go, that I will always have a safe community to come back to.